I’m a senior at UH School of Theatre. Yeah, yeah, I’m getting a worthless degree: whatever.
Anyway, I show up for my first day of class, Tuesday, August 21st. I see on a bulletin board in the student lounge that there is a MANDATORY audition (2 contrasting monologues no more than 2 minutes total) for all students sophomore through senior. Okay, no big deal…wait a sec. It’s to be held on Wednesday, August 22nd at 6:00. WTF??!! If that isn’t bad enough, we’re getting scored and could be put on “academic probation” (which I later found out they CAN’T do) if we get a 2 or less, and if we’re 3 or less, we have to “have a conference with a member of faculty”. Okay…a 2 out of WHAT?! Based on WHAT?!
So, let’s review. University of Houston School of Theatre considers a bulletin board in the student lounge an acceptable form of MASS COMMUNICATION, despite the fact that they have every single student’s e-mail address. They are giving us less than 40 hours notice on an audition, though they dispute that fact, saying the notice was on the board in July. Why would I drive all the way across town in July if I don’t have school until AUGUST 21ST?! And could they be any more vague on the scoring and what it means?
I e-mailed a faculty member, and he basically said he liked the whole process of this thing, except for not giving us time to adequately prepare, as they just discussed this a few days ago and it was still a “tentative process”. So, are you only going to put me on “tentative probation”, you asshats? And what happened to “the notice was on the board in July”? How is that possible if you JUST DISCUSSED THIS A FEW DAYS AGO?
Fast forward to Wednesday. I do the audition, get through it, whatever. Thursday, there’s nothing on the board. Friday, there’s still nothing on the board. Being the shit-stirrer that I am, I posted this on their precious board: “Auditions were two days ago, and there’s still nothing up here telling us what our scores are or how to get them. What’s going on? Did you not have enough time to adequately prepare?”
They finally pulled their thumbs out of their collective asses this Tuesday, and I got my score, a 2.94 average. One of the comments was, “not dressed appropriately for a formal audition.” Well, dumbass, this ISN’T a formal audition, this is an audition against my will. In “the real world”, I wouldn’t have been stupid enough to go to an audition taking place THE FIRST WEEK OF CLASS. Furthermore, I had about 20 hours to prepare 2 friggin’ monologues for you. I have a white cat and black dress clothes. When exactly was I supposed to take a trip to the dry cleaners? And if you knew anything about REAL AUDITIONS, you intellectual morons, you would know that it’s best to show up at an audition “prepared to move”, meaning wearing something in which you’d feel comfortable walking on your hands.
If their intention was to see if we were “honing our skills” as they claim, I could’ve shown them my TWO PAGE resume of shows I’ve done IN THE PAST YEAR.
I’m sorry I don’t audition for shows at your college; I like getting paid, even if it is just a gas stipend. Why on earth would I use MY talents to YOUR advantage? Go suck a tree, U of H. You’re so full of yourselves, it’s sickening. If you’re really that bored, take up knitting; quit alienating your students. And quit encouraging all the dick-suckers around here, who are so brainwashed by your bullshit that they’re afraid to be honest with you.
And another thing: I have 3.7 GPA. If my grades ARE NOT an indication of my learning, that’s NOT MY PROBLEM. Fix your system if you’re so God-damned concerned about what I know.
I am so glad this is almost over…one more year…one more year…one more year…